Recently I was reminded about a part of my past. Growing up, my parents often had unexpected visitors. At least, I believe they were unexpected.
These were friends they had made over the years, simply coming to say hello. Sometimes it was a Saturday or Sunday afternoon. Sometimes it was an evening. Usually it was anywhere from late spring through early fall. Sometimes it was winter, but not that often.
People would stay for two or three hours and chat. Sometimes they would go to the kitchen for coffee. Sometimes Dad would take a fellow to the garage.
Rarely did they bring children with them. Usually, it was just adults. There was often a lot of talk of cars (my Dad’s favorite topic), but there were other bright and lively topics as well.
The kids, meaning me and my siblings, would sometimes sit quietly and listen. After all, the only TV in the house was in the same room as these extended chats. More often, we would find games to play outside or in other parts of the house.
Among the people who would visit were former classmates. Mom and Dad were high school sweethearts and friends of theirs would occasionally drop by. We lived in a town of between five and ten thousand. Some lived in town. Others lived in surrounding towns.
My Dad had a former Army buddy who would bring his wife to visit once in awhile. They would rarely call first, but would drop by a couple times each year. This was interesting to me now because they were driving over one hundred miles for these visits. We would sometimes order pizza or Mom would cook for them during their visits. They would return the favor if we traveled to see them.
Still others were people they met through Dad’s hobbies. My Dad had an interest in antique cars. Sometimes people they met through car shows, etc. would stop by to share ideas or simply talk cars with Dad.
This came back to me when I realized that we rarely have drop-in guests at our house. If anyone does drop by unannounced, they refuse to sit and stay for any length of time and then go.
Talking to friends and co-workers, they’ve noticed the same thing is true. In today’s society, people don’t often go visiting neighbors and friends unannounced as was done years before. Today, plans are arranged ahead of time. These often include sporting events, music concerts, children’s activities, truck or tractor pulls, demolition derbies, product (Tupperware, Pampered Chef, etc.) parties, carnivals, etc.
There are logical reasons for this change. I have only one former classmate that lives within fifty miles of my home, as far as I know. We see each other occasionally, but mostly we email or talk on the phone.
Neither my wife nor I served time in the military, so we didn’t develop close friendships there.
We both have developed some strong workplace friendships, but we see those people all week. Who wants to spend your two days off with people you see the other five days?
I worried about this until I started talking to some of my co-workers. Most, but not all, noticed the same things. People today just don’t drop in unannounced anymore.
I remember when the weekends meant relaxing. Today, between school activities that extend into the weekends, athletic competitions for children, church activities and responsibilities and more. There isn’t much time to simply read or watch a baseball game.
Just so you know, as I write this, I have one eye on the Chicago Cubs and the St. Louis Cardinals, and am hoping for a big comeback for the Cubs.
The answer could come down to privacy. With the growth of the internet we have become a planet that finds itself smaller and exposed. Remember when the earth was referred to as the “big, blue marble”? That marble is getting smaller and smaller every day.
There are satellites in the air that can take pictures of our neighborhoods. There are people who call on the phone who already know our name, address, phone number (obviously), and other information about us. We only get to hear their first name and who they (might) represent.
Gas prices are so high they can’t afford to drive one hundred plus miles one way to find no one home. So, with cell phones offering free nights and weekends, plans are made ahead of time, or not made if there are other activities that prevent a visit.
At our home, we like our privacy. We like to focus on our children and on each other. We like to do “spur of the moment” things like travel to a museum or have a rousing game of miniature golf.
We like our friends and as our children grow up and move onward, we’ll be able to make more time for them. We’ll probably go to a ball game or see a play. We might invite another couple to an opening of a new restaurant.
We may even take the time to drop by someone’s house just to have a visit. Maybe even an unexpected one.
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