After All, It's a Small World!

Recently I wrote about two people who were part of my extended family who passed away recently. Earlier this week, I was shocked when reminded of a third person who passed away who I failed to mention, lending to the old saw that “things happen in threes”.

There are two reasons I was surprised by the reminder. The first reason is person who passed away was closer to me in terms of family. Of the two people I wrote previously about, one was a workplace acquaintance while the other was my wife’s uncle. The second reason I was surprised is that the person passed away before I wrote the essay “Good Trade”.

The person I was reminded of was an uncle. He was not a blood relative, having married the sister of my mother, but he was still what people consider to be a close family member.

In this case, our two families should have been close. We lived in the same small mid-western town. The children in my family and the children in their family were close in age. We both were frequent visitors to our Grandmother’s home, which sat a short two blocks from the home where I grew up, but we still rarely saw each other there.

One of the mysteries of my short life is how two families with so much in common grew farther and farther away despite a close physical proximity. I have heard reasons from various members of my family. In case you are hoping, I will tell you now that I am not going to air any “soiled linens”. The foul stories and complaints are going to lay low. None of that is the point of today’s blog.

In my view I feel that the world is getting smaller. We are now, with the assistance of the internet, cell phones and other electronic devices, able to communicate around the world. We are able to research and understand far more than ever before. Travel is easier and more frequent despite the threats of terrorism.

Yet, individually, some of us are working hard to keep the world at arms length. This is not true of everyone. Maybe the people with this attitude are in the minority. Unfortunately, I see and hear about it each day.

Within my own family, I am not close to my siblings. I love them with a strong heart and yet it is a rare occasion when we will agree to get together. We seem to be all talk, but can never find the time in our busy schedules.

Each of my siblings lives far from where my wife and I make our home. They do not live more that a few short hours away, however, which makes my feel sad. We have each raised children who barely know their cousins. We rarely know what is happening in each other’s lives.

The touchstone is our parents. Even there, my parents often have little news of what is going on with the others when I hear from them.

At my workplace, we are encouraged to go on outings as a group and bring food to work for a “potluck” meal. These often have uneven and almost discouraging results.

I must admit, I am one of the biggest culprits of sabotaging these efforts. During my time away from work, I would rather spend time with my wife and children than with my co-workers. I already devote forty or more hours to them each week. I honestly would not want to spend any more time unless it is for a “farewell” party or to enjoy a company provided meal (never happened in six years!).

Potlucks are even more suspect. I am a terrible cook and refuse to ask my wife to prepare something to take to people we she has never met. I often agree to bring chips, pop or buns to these gatherings. However, as a leader, that does not inspire the team members to “pitch-in” with “meal-like” substances.

Even the suggestion of a “dessert” potluck was met with long faces.

Yet some of the other teams where I work have glorious potlucks and “food days”. The problem may lie either in my leadership (likely) or in the mix of individuals on the teams (possible).

So why are we so emotionally distant when the world is becoming physically closer? Whether we are talking about families or friends, we seem to be friendly without establishing friendships. Are we afraid that people, even brothers and sisters, will expect too much from us?

I wish I had an answer. Instead, I think I have an email or two to send. There are some people I have not spoken to for awhile.