America’s Got Talent!

“Psst! Hey NBC, Simon Cowell and anyone connected with the program ‘America’s Got Talent!’ This is Alexander Dimm and I have a great idea that could make everyone a ton of money.

“I don’t know if any of you realize it, but you have created a ‘vaudeville’ show. A yodeler, jugglers, singers, cloggers, kids, seniors and more packed into a ten act ticket. Imagine putting them all on the road. You would clean up.

“Think about it. You don’t have to worry about any of them being a headliner and having ninety minutes or more of material to trot out on stage. They only need to do one or two bits, filling about ten minutes. That could fill close to two hours.

“What’s that? What if ‘Rappin’ Granny’ or others don’t want to tour? No problem. You have a whole list of people who would love to go on tour. You don’t think you could convince ‘Leonid the Magnificent’ or Rudi Macaggi to make the trip? Audiences would roar!

“Okay, I know what you’re thinking. There are no comedy acts. No problem. This is an NBC show. Send one of the ‘Last Comic Standing’ comics along. Have Josh Blue and Kirsten Key appear. This is a family show, but Josh doesn’t do much ‘blue’ material. Key would have to dial back a bit, but it would be safer than sending Roz.

“Yes, I know the program would need a host. Don’t send Regis. He doesn’t have the time anyway. Don’t send Anthony Clark either unless you want the audience to fall asleep before he introduces the first act.

“How about sending Caroline Rhea? She would be hysterical. She is hysterical. Plus it promotes another NBC reality show, ‘The Biggest Loser’. It’s a perfect fit!

“So, can you picture it? The show opens with a big opening number allowing all the acts from the show to appear onstage and get some applause. Some big sappy off-Broadway style show tune family audiences love will be fine. Then introduce Rhea. She comes out and does ten minutes.

“When she’s done, she’ll introduce the first act which could be the dance couple. If you put them later in the show the audience may become restless. Better to put them up front. They will have an elaborate set to dance around.

“Then close the curtain and bring out someone who could perform in front of a closed curtain. Maybe ‘Dave the Horn Guy’ or the snapping fingers guy could fit here. They don’t need big sets to entertain a crowd. Plus they can do one song and you move on to the next fancy set and winning act from the show.

“Gradually, you work your way through the acts until you get to next week’s winner of the competition. They can have an extended set, blowing the crowd away. Then bring everyone back out for a final bow and everyone goes home happy.

“This works for everyone. NBC should love it because you have an opportunity to promote two or three shows in one evening. The acts should love it because most of these people don’t have a whole show they can headline alone. This will give them a chance to develop material for their own show someday. In some cases it will allow them just a few more moments of glory.

“Crowds will love it. They already know these people from the show. Have them travel coast-to-coast to meet the thousands of people who voted. After the shows, some can go to the lobby and sign autographs.

“The producers and promoters will love making money because these people will clean up wherever they go.

“I’ll love it because… well, I’ll have a sense of pride that I thought of the idea. Don’t worry; my lawyers won’t be contacting you for my share (although a thank you in the program might be nice; it’s spelled A-L-E-X-A-N-D-E-R D-I-M-M).

“I’m just happy that I could recognize a good idea and let you know. After all, you went to the hard work of re-creating a solid Vaudeville show worth of any Orpheum theatre. Might as well put them to work, right?”